I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
