She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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