I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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