i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
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You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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