Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
