"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
