Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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