I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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