Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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