Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
