One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
