I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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