first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
