Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
