JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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