why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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