Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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