I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
