I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
where are my eyebrows?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
