...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
