my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
