Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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