I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it glows. i had to have it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Randomize
