what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
