I puked a lego.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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