she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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