the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I AM VODKA MAN
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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