His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
