so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
