Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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