Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
