***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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