Ambien. No doubt about it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
