Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
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dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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