Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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