She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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