some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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