i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
