I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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