youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
