My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
