my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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