Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
