I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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