i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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