so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
