i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
