I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize