I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize