My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
