No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
