Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
