Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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