This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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