I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize