Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
