dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this just has baby written all over it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
