Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
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I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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