forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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