Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
