Im at strip club and am horny
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
