U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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