You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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