I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
