I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
