So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
