I didn't shave. On purpose
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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