that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am one with the molecules
You were trust falling into bushes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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