haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
